3/2/2023 0 Comments Growing up in the 90sOnce upon a time, Oregon Trail was a totally groundbreaking computer game, and we would beg our teachers to go to the “lab” at school devoted to sad little square Macintosh computers. Now mommy and daddy watch True Blood and Game of Thrones and shows where people drink and smoke and eat solitary Brussels sprouts at Thanksgiving (the horror!), and I don’t think I would have been ready for that at the tender age of nine and three-fifths. If you had cool parents, they would let you stay up with them and watch racy shows like Friends. Adult programming is now definitely for adults. Damn it, she taught us how to multitask! And the Disney princesses, with their tiny waists and hair down to their little princess parts, showed us the enduring power of true love, especially if it was with rich prince-type dudes. How many careers did Barbie have? She was President, and a teacher, and an Olympic gymnast, and a dog washer, and sold Oreo cookies. They taught us that as long as you wanted it, you could be anything or do anything or make any man love you. When I was a kid, Barbie and her animated sisters, the Princesses, were the stuff of legend. Barbie and Disney princesses are now causes for poor self-esteem.Ī five-year-old once told me that she didn’t like to play with Barbie because “she’s not natural,” and while I wanted to kiss the child for not buying into the bullsh-t Barbie brings, I wondered exactly how her mother had managed to teach her something at such a young age. The only yoga I did when I was a kid was when I didn’t know how to pronounce yogurt - that delicious, fake pink goo that was not from Greece and definitely had sugar aplenty. But toddlers are doing yoga in Central Park in the middle of the day, and that might be taking things too far. Now, kids are being told to go outside for most of the day, which, yes, is great for them as they’re active little snotballs (especially if you load them up on HFCS) and these are the glory days before they’ll have to fork over tons of money for a gym membership that they’ll half resent. Latch key kid security, 101: turn on a TV and nobody will make a single move away from the set and into trouble. When I was a kid, my parents would turn on the TV, leave the dogs in the house, and lock the door. But too much television now rots your brain. Olivia teaches kids about using their imagination, and Handy Manny reinforces stereotypes about Latinos as ingenuous little handy men with a bunch of tools for friends. Wow Wow Wubbzy teaches children how to share and care by nurturing social and emotional development, while simultaneously grating at the nerves of every adult who watches it. Now, the Juniors (both Nick and Disney) carefully delineate to parents what social and educational skills each show will offer their miniature audience. The best lesson I probably learned from television was that purple dinosaurs helped you clean up your toys, and all I learned from Hey Arnold! was how to hide your crush on a football headed kid by being horrible to him. Now, kids are supposed to be learning at every turn, and that’s exhausting. When I grew up, we had Ren and Stimpy to guide the way. Today’s children will never know that joy, nor will they know what it feels like to tweak on the crack-like high of Mountain Dew. But corn syrup? Corn syrup made food last longer, it kept kids awake, and it helped make things chewy and hey, if it could really transform fruit from a pulpy mass to something that you rolled out by the foot, I was game. Milk came in distant second, and water was an afterthought. Juice was practically a preventative medicine. I mean, it’s never really changed its sugary makeup, and added sugar has probably always been evil, but our parents used to ignore doctor’s sound advice and wire us up to the gills on soda and blue raspberry Gushers. Here are a few things we have since reconsidered in the 10 years since the last of the 90s children were born. It’s a wonder that any children raised in the strange and nostalgic era between 19 even made it out alive, if we’ve all but abandoned the parenting techniques by which we we raised because they were such bad ideas. Even the difference of 10 years makes for radically contrasting experiences. Few things can make a person feel older than talking to somebody from a younger generation about what childhood is like.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |